Reason #7: The Club Level

The Redskins PR department likes to boast that Danny has only raised ticket prices twice, in 2000 and 2006.  However, they neglect to discuss that overpriced section named the “Joe Gibbs Club Level.”  The section boasts amenities such as a cigar bar, a Hooters, Danny’s own Johnny Rockets chain, and a “5th Quarter” after-party.  Of course, you pay for the cigars, the Hooters wings, and the Johnny Rockets burgers, so they’re not really amenities.

Cost for a single ticket to the club level ranges from $280 – $350.  The club level is the 300 level.  Only one section below the “nose-bleeds.”  $280 – $350.  Per. Ticket.   Of course, loyal Skins fans shell out the money (or sell them to the aforementioned Steelers fans since the economy blows).  So much for a “fan-owner.”  You’d think a “fan-owner” wouldn’t stick it to other fans.  But then again, Dan Snyder … is a douche.

Reason #6: Terrible “terrible towels”

(sorry for the late post … actually had a life today)

The Redskins played a Monday Night Football game against the Pittsburgh Steelers this past year.  Due to the poor economy and crazy ticket prices for NFL games, many Skins fans sold their tickets … to Steelers fans.  And those Steelers fans brought those nasty yellow towels with them to the game.  Of course, the Skins played terrible, and the game was effectively a home game for Pittsburgh.

Cue the next home game: a Sunday nighter against the Cowboys.  Walk through the stadium gates and hey, look here, towels for the fans.  Now, being a copycat is usually enough to get some douche-treatment.  However, being a cheap-o copycat gets you this blog dedicated to your doucheyness.  These response towels to the Steeler “Terrible Towel” were just plain terrible.  White towels with some lame red design on them.  White towels??  Wow … a lot of effort was put into that plan.  (I don’t have a picture of these, but if anyone does, feel free to pass it along).

Of course, for the next home game, the Daniel realized how cheap the white towels were, and he gave out burgundy towels.  But that doesn’t change the fact that (El Cheapo) Dan Snyder … is a douche.

Reason #5: Tom Cruise

It’s a well known fact that a douche only associates with other douches and turds.  And as we know, Dan Snyder … is a douche.

Dan the Douche chats up Tom the Turd (credit: UPI)

Reason #4: Adam Archuleta

7-year contract.  $35 million.  $10 million in bonuses.  Highest amount ever paid to a Safety (at that point in time).  Relegated to special teams duty after 7 games.  Dan Snyder … is a douche.

Reason #3: Marty Schottenheimer

Now, although I was a loud critic of Schottenheimer when he thought he should teach HoF’er Darrell Green how to play cornerback in Green’s 18th NFL season, and even though I shouted for Schottenheimer’s head when his team started 0-5, this is not calling out Danny bonaDouche for hiring the guy who looks like Joe Gibbs’ distant cousin.  (Hmmm…I actually wonder if that’s the reason why The Daniel hired Marty … the scary thing is that it actually could be)

In anycase, Dan is not a douche for hiring Marty Schottenheimer, but rather for firing the man.  Marty inherited Jeff George, Bruce Smith, the cap hit left in the wake of Deion Sanders’ retirement after playing 1-year of a 7-year contract.  Yet Marty, only removed from the sidelines for 1-year, did the smartest thing ever.  He fired Vinny Cerrato.

Then, after an 0-5 start, the Schott led the Skins to an 8-3 record in their last 11 games.  With Tony Banks as his QB.  Yes, Tony Banks, who could’ve used a bailout of his NFL career way more than those other banks need one now.

So what did Danny do after that great finish to the season?  Yeah, he fired Marty so he could bring in the Ol’ Ball Coach, Steve Spurrier.  So much for taking a proven winner (of regular season games) in the NFL as your coach.  Why would you change strategy after you start winning?  Oh yeah … because you’re Dan Snyder.  And Dan Snyder … is a douche.

Reason #2: Deion Sanders

Let’s again revisit 1999. That year, the Redskins used a first round draft pick on a future superstar cornerback: Champ Bailey. It seemed like a great plan … bring in a talented young corner with tremendous upside, and have him study from one of the best in (then) future Hall of Famer Darrell Green. Even young Bailey commented on this during his first training camp with the team:

“You play with the best, you pretty much draw a lot of good things from them … Having [Darrell Green] out there to tell me about the mistakes and things I do is great. He’s just an asset all around the team.”
(source: The Redskins Encyclopedia, Michael Richman, page 289)

Unfortunately, however, Dan the Douche thought that it might be a good idea to counteract whatever influence that a talented team player, such as Green, might have on Bailey. To that end, The Daniel went out and signed “Neon” Deion Sanders to a 7-year $56 million contract (with an $8 million signing bonus). By the way, I should note that Sanders had just been cut by the Dallas Cowboys and there were rumors that he was hobbled and nowhere near the stellar athlete he used to be. Sure, Sanders had 4 interceptions in 2000, but as we’ll see, that positive is greatly outweighed by negative and destructive intangibles that are evidently invisible to the eye of your average douche.

Shortly after Deion’s 1-year stint with the team (for which he got to keep all but $500K of that $8 million signing bonus), Bailey started showing signs of a brash “me-first” and diva-esque attitude. He began questioning coaches and management, and eventually talked his way into getting traded to Denver (in a deal the Redskins got hosed on, even though Clinton Portis has become a workhorse).

Other side notes of the Deion Sanders Experiment include: the release of KR/PR Brian Mitchell, who went on to play for both the Eagles and Giants; Deion returning punts for approximately 3-yards less per return than James Thrash; paving the way for the Adam Archuleta contract (another story); and giving us further proof that Dan Snyder … is a Douche.

Reason #1: Jeff George

In 1999 the Redskins had their best season under Norv Turner. Quarterback Brad Johnson completed 316 passes for 4,005 yards on the season, threw 24 touchdowns, and led the team into the playoffs where they beat the Detroit Lions in the Wild Card round before losing to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by one measly point in the Divisional round. It seemed that, for certain, the Redskins woes at QB were over for the first time since Joe Gibbs retired (the first time around).

Enter Dan the Douche. As if falling one-point shy of the NFC Championship game was too much of a failure for him, Danny went out and created a quarterback controversy by bringing in Jeff George to be a “backup” to Johnson. Of course, with the uneasy pressure of having the owner’s hand-picked QB breathing down his neck, Johnson underperformed in 2000, which led to his benching at the behest of Snyder.

George started two games that season, and two more in 2001, before he was released by new Head Coach, Marty Schottenheimer (a whole ‘nother story) following a 37-0 loss to the Packers. Brad Johnson left in the off-season, bitter and angry, and joined the Bucs … whom he guided to a Super Bowl win just a few years later. All because Dan Snyder … is a douche.

Douche-troductions

I have been a fan of the Washington Redskins ever since I watched my first full NFL game in 1984.  The then-youthful and aggressive playcalling of Joe Gibbs and the great scouting ability of Bobby Bethard had been joined together through a solid owner … Jack Kent Cooke.  Sure, Cooke had his flaws (namely his tabloid crazy wife, Marlena) … but his ownership guided my team to 4 Super Bowl appearances (3 of them wins!).

Now, Redskins fans, such as myself, are plagued by the “ownership” (term used VERY loosely) of one Daniel M. Snyder.  After years of suffering through horrid decision after horrid decision made by The Daniel, I have decided to take to the web and fight back.  Sure, this is just a tiny blog in one remote corner of the blogosphere … but to me it is a chance for me to point out to the world each and every way that Dan Snyder is a douche.

Beginning tomorrow, January 13, 2009, and ending on January 13, 2010, I will strive to post one reason per day as to what makes Dan Snyder a douche.

I invite you to join me on this journey … and if you ever think that there’s a douche-point I may have missed, or that I should include in the future, feel free to e-mail me at danthedouche@gmail.com.  Thanks for tagging along.